Damn you weather!

I'm in Florida, but it's too cold to lay out in the sun at the beach.  

Today the relatives I'm staying with are all going to work, and so I will be left alone to amuse myself, without a car.  (Which is fine because frankly, I'm too scared to drive their fancy cars.)  I really wanted to go to the beach today... but unless I'm going just to walk around in a sweatshirt, it's not going to happen.  I do have a little puppy playmate to take with me.  Maybe I'll just walk her around town.

So far the trip has been pretty good.  My aunt took me shopping a couple times, and retail therapy is always good.  I actually felt pretty good in the stores too - looks like the working out thing has paid off a little.  On the other hand I've decided I don't really like my new haircut, so now it annoys me.

The boy has called me both nights I've been here, but both times while he was driving home.  I guess that shouldn't take away from the fact that he called me, but I dunno.  The first night was really great, the second I was left unsatisfied.  But maybe that's my own shit.  Maybe that's cuz I saw "He's Just Not That Into You," which I thought was really good, but it left me craving romance, and last night the conversation was pretty platonic.  Still, he called.

I am still so confused about him.  I love him.  And I know he loves me.  But sometimes I wonder if he really knows me.  I don't know.  I still know he's not quite there yet... not quite enough.  Not quite generous enough, still a little too self-centered... still... a kid.  But I don't want it to be over.  I don't want to move on.  I want the romance, I want the excitement, I want his body.......

He is aware that he needs to change, I think.  After an emotional meeting at our favorite bar, we ended up in my car with me sobbing in the parking lot.  He told me he knows he's not the man I need him to be, but he wants to be that man.  And when he is ready to be that man, he said he would come find me, because he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  We ended up cuddling and making out in the backseat, and then the next day (Valentine's day) he came over and gave me a card.  And we had sex.

I'm just so wrapped up in it.  Even running away to Florida didn't help much.

In other news, I have to take an exam in 2-3 weeks.  It's the teacher certification exam to teach high school history.  I am not completely sure I want to be a teacher... but it would give me the option.  But with all the shit that's gone on in the past few months, I have barely cracked a book to study.  And my history knowledge is not that great.  Really, I just paid over 100 bucks to register for this test I have almost no chance of passing.  Fuck me.  I brought a textbook all the way here to study, but who am I kidding.  It sucks.

I should really just shower and get on with it.  Go to a cafe with the puppy and read.  Or something.