Distance

I really don't have time to be updating this now on my half hour lunch break, so please forgive abruptness or typos.

I talked to the boy one (last?) time since that fight. I tried to explain that it's just too hard for me to be friends right now. That I don't want him to be miserable, but that it's too hard to hear about him being happy. I tried to explain that I didn't want to cut him out completely, but that I just wanted distance. I'm not sure any of it got through. I don't think we're on any better terms. And now... we're officially not talking.

And it sucks.

Now, for the first time since we got back together on New Years, I have to deal with the part of breaking up where you MISS HIM. Where anytime something interesting, funny, or whatever happens, you want to text him about it and then you remember that you can't. When something happens only he would appreciate, you can't. When you need to talk about something you only felt comfortable talking about with him, you can't. When you need his help with something silly, like fixing my ipod, I can't go to him.

I fucking miss my best friend.

And I feel like a horrible horrible person (even though you'll all tell me I'm not) for doing this because it has hurt him so fucking much. I can see it. And I know he's miserable too now. And that's not what I wanted.

Shit. Late.