Headache

He called me at 2 am last night.  He knows I go to bed early on worknights.  He hung up after one ring.  But I had already been jarred awake, and couldn't very well sleep knowing he had just called me.  (We hadn't spoken since our big, final, fight the night before.)  I called him back.  He apologized profusely for waking me up.  "It can wait, go back to sleep."  "Just- what is it?"

He had noticed that I had un-friended him on Facebook.  Was I mad at him?  He wanted to know.  Was I cutting him out of my life for good?

No, no.  Of course not.

I still love him.  As much as I ever have.  But if we really, truly, can't be together, then I know what's coming.  The lonely nights spent clicking through his Facebook photos and crying.... it's too much.  Reading a status update that makes it sound like he's out having fun?  It's too hard.  Nevermind the random wall posts from girls I don't know...  It's just too hard to break up with someone and still be friends with them on Facebook.

He understood.  Last time we "broke up" he begged me to un-friend him.  (I guess he didn't have the courage to do it himself.)  It sucks.

I know it is ridiculous.  I dumped him for god sake!  He wasn't giving me enough, I needed more.  But I never wanted us to be apart.  I still don't want to be apart.

I woke up with an awful headache today, and I've had it all day long.  When does it stop hurting?